(This transcript was generated by AI. Apologies for any inacuracies)

If you are new with us this weekend, we wanna say a special welcome to you.

We are in a teaching series that we have titled Not Home Alone during this season, during this Christmas season.

And the whole idea is, you know, not to let the enemy isolate you, put you in a position where you can't experience God during a season like Christmastime, because I know oftentimes there's all kinds of emotions, all kinds of things that can come our way that makes us feel alone.

And oftentimes when we get alone, we may become bitter instead of better.

And so we are wanting to do this teaching series to encourage you to be around God's people, encourage you to be all God's created you to be during a season like this.

So today we're gonna learn how to break the bondage of bitterness and become better, come on.

Yeah, why don't you turn to the person sitting around you and tell them, look, you need to become better, not bitter.

Go ahead and tell them, you need to become better, not bitter.

And if you've been around as long as I have, some of you a little bit longer, but I've been around for 58 years and I know oftentimes bitterness can flood our soul, ain't it?

And I've discovered on my journey that whenever I begin to let that bitterness taint my heart and I don't do something about it, I can't become better, I can't move forward.

And so I think the message is gonna help us a little bit today in that and learning how to receive forgiveness, but also more so than just receiving forgiveness, how to offer forgiveness with our life.

You know, yesterday I had an incredible opportunity and it's actually, we have a lot of opportunities this time of the year to engage and go to different events.

Last weekend, we have Giving Hope Mall.

We were able to give out a lot of presents to folks last weekend and it was an incredible experience.

But yesterday was phenomenal.

I had the opportunity to go and speak at a graduation in Columbus County up in Whiteville, North Carolina at our prison ministry.

We have a group of inmates who have gone through a 42-week discipleship program over the last 42 weeks.

And yesterday, we had a big celebration and we had a graduation for those 17 inmates and their families, yeah.

They're families got to come and we were able to sit in a room and sit around tables and have a whole experience.

And actually at the Columbus County Correctional Institute, they have a choir, they have a band, and these folks were singing their hearts out yesterday.

It was a phenomenal experience.

We have a team of people here at Valorous Church that go up each and every week, every Thursday evening for 42 straight weeks, this team of people go and minister to these inmates in the Columbus County Correctional Institute.

And we partner with a group called Jump Start out of North Carolina, where we help these folks who have been in prison get back on the right track and, so to say, get certain things out of their heart and put God in their heart for God to do amazing things.

And if you're interested in that sort of ministry, God has blessed us.

We'll be able to go into another prison.

So now we're going to be doing two prisons in 2025.

Yeah, come on.

And so if that kind of ministry interests you, there's a whole process that we carry people through.

There's a lot of training involved.

But you can let the folks out front know that you're interested in that.

And we'll be talking more about it after the first of the year.

But it's actually incredible, incredible ministry.

We saw 17 men graduate yesterday.

And the stories I heard around those tables as I sit with those inmates were phenomenal.

Stories about learning to release bitterness and hatred and anger, not only from the inmates themselves, but I was able to sit with a couple yesterday where there was a wife of one of the inmates.

He has been in there for seven years.

And she spoke about how they had a rough patch whenever he first went into prison, but God changed him through this process.

They were able to get themselves back together and how she has been able to release that bitterness that she had towards him.

And hopefully, he's going to be getting out next October.

And they are looking forward to moving their life ahead.

But just to hear the stories around those tables about how God is at work in people's hearts was simply amazing.

And it moved my heart yesterday as I was preparing even to talk about bitterness this weekend to see a live picture of what it really means to release a bitterness and move forward in their life.

And so today, we're going to talk a little bit about that.

And I don't know what you walked in the room with today, but I do know that we all deal with this idea of sometimes something happening to us, and then we can become a little bit bitter or angry towards what has happened to us.

But I do believe there's a way to release that so that you don't hang on to that all the days of your life, but you're able to move forward with what God's put in you and wants to do through you.

I want to start again with the Christmas narrative today, looking at a passage of scripture in Matthew chapter one, verses 23, and this is what the scripture says.

It says, and the angel of the Lord appeared to him, him being Joseph, Jesus's earthly father, appeared to him in a dream.

"'Joseph, son of David,' the angel said, "'do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife.

"'For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit, "'and she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, "'for he will save his people from their sins.'"

Bible says all of this occurred to fulfill the Lord's message that he had spoken through an earlier prophet.

And this is what the prophet had said.

"'Look, the virgin will conceive a child, "'she will give birth to a son, "'and they will call him Emmanuel,' "'which means God is with us.'"

Now, the opportunity for bitterness to enter Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus, the opportunity for bitterness to enter his heart was really great in this situation.

Now, we live 2,000 years on the other side of the cross of Christ, the resurrection of Christ, the ascension of Christ, and we live right before the return of Christ.

So I believe we live in the greatest day and age ever known to all of humanity.

In other words, we know what the good news is.

The good news is that God has forgiven humanity of their sin through the cross of Christ, and we can receive that good news, and then the Bible says that God puts his spirit in those who believe in that message, and his spirit begins to wash the old self out and put the new self in so that we can do great and mighty things for the name of the Lord before he returns and he makes all things new.

We know the end of the story.

In other words, no matter what injustice has been done in this world, no matter what has happened to you, what has happened to me, we know the end of the story.

One day, God is going to make everything right and make all things new, come on.

That should release your heart right there.

That should release your heart.

Why would you let the enemy leave you in a place of bondage towards bitterness instead of moving towards the greatness of who God is?

Now, Joseph, he could have gotten bitter with God because God was calling on him to fulfill a prophecy that was made many, many years before Joseph came on the scene.

Joseph had a plan, just like many of us have had a plan in life.

Joseph planned to marry the love of his life, Mary.

But all of a sudden, God shows up and says, hey, Joseph, by the way, I'm about to interrupt your plan.

I'm gonna ask you to take Mary to be your wife, but by the way, she's gonna conceive a child that's birthed through the Holy Spirit.

And so Joseph could have gotten really upset about all of this because you know what?

It didn't really fit with probably that culture and what it meant to be a husband and take your wife and have a boy.

And so Joseph could have sit on this and got very bitter if he'd have chose to.

But what Joseph did is he backed off, he processed what the angel of the Lord had said to him.

And instead of becoming bitter, he become better.

And he saw the miracle child we know today as Jesus born in a manger and he got to father baby Jesus as a young boy, this savior that has come to deliver the world from their sin nature.

Joseph got to experience better because he didn't become bitter.

Come on somebody.

And again, we all have different things happen to us.

And again, we all have different things happen to us in life.

We all have different experiences.

We all have different relational challenges, different things that come into our life.

But how do we not let bitterness overtake us?

How do we step fully in to breaking that bitterness instead of letting that bitterness work into our heart and destroying what God wants to do in us and through us.

We're gonna learn from a famous passage of scripture today found in your Bible, where Jesus, as he grew older, talked to a religious man named Nicodemus.

And we're gonna learn from John chapter three, chapter three, verses 16 and 17.

And Jesus was asked a question by this religious man named Nicodemus.

And Jesus begins to explain Nicodemus how to have new birth.

And then he talks to him about who he is, who Jesus is in the process.

And he says this in John chapter three, verse 16.

He says, for this is how God loved the world.

He gave his one and only son so that everyone who believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life.

He continues, and Jesus says, God didn't send me, the son, into the world on this occasion, Nicodemus, into the world to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

And so, again, this is when Jesus came the first time and we understand that he died on a cross, he defeated sin, he rose from a grave, and he ascended into the heaven, and he sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty is what the scripture teaches us, and he's gonna return again.

But Jesus made it crystal clear to Nicodemus, I came to serve the world.

I didn't come on this occasion to judge the world.

I came to forgive people of their sin so that they can step back into a right relationship with their creator, their great God, and they don't have to go through life and waste away or perish.

I came so they could have eternal life so the world doesn't overtake their heart, but they can love me because I first loved them.

And because I first loved them, they can step in this right relationship.

I can deposit my spirit in them, and instead of bitterness and jealousy and anger taking over their heart, they call it the deeds of the flesh, taking over their heart, they can be filled with my spirit.

It is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, and move forward with their life.

I came to deposit my spirit in humans' hearts so that they can become all I've created them to be.

And can I tell you something?

The enemy is constantly trying to destroy your self-control.

He's constantly trying to destroy love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

He wants to snuff that spirit out.

But God says, no, there's a pathway to not letting that happen in your heart and in your life, even if you've been offended.

See, that's what offense does.

If we're operating in the flesh, when something comes towards me, I become offended.

I'm human.

I get offended when you hurt me.

But the reality of it is there's a spirit that's at work inside of me that's not just my fleshly side.

It's at war against my fleshly side, and it is purging the old man out and putting the new things in, and it comes from God.

And I learn from God.

And I learn from his model of how to purge bitterness out of my heart and let his spirit come alive in my heart and become all he's designed me to be.

And so, again, we can learn from these verses how to do that.

I wrote this down in my journal.

Receiving forgiveness takes humility.

We have to humble ourself in order to receive forgiveness from God or anyone else.

But offering forgiveness, extending forgiveness to someone takes courage.

You have to have courage to offer forgiveness.

And the reason you have to have courage is because when you extend forgiveness, you're becoming very vulnerable.

You're becoming a person that you don't know what's gonna happen on the other end when you extend forgiveness.

You don't know how they are gonna respond.

And again, they may not respond in the way that you think they should respond.

But I'm here to tell you today, God will work in your heart and make you better if you will release this bitterness, follow his path.

He will do great and mighty things in you and possibly in them.

And you say, well, they didn't deserve it.

Well, again, I didn't deserve God's forgiveness either.

The Bible says he came when I didn't deserve it.

While we were yet sinners, Jesus died on a cross for my sin is what the scripture says.

He didn't give his son and offer forgiveness because I deserve it, he did it because he's better and he knows the pathway to greatness is to not harbor things in your heart, but let God take over your heart and do amazing, amazing things.

So how do we have the courage to forgive when the other person from our lens doesn't deserve it?

The first way to do it is to ask a question, ask the question of yourself, what can I do?

Not ask the question, what have they done to deserve it, just what can I do in this circumstance or situation?

How can I release the bitterness in my heart in this circumstance and situation?

Listen to what the Bible says in Romans 12, verse 18.

The writer says, do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Do all that you can, not that your neighbor can, not that your preacher can, not that your small group can, do all that you can do to live at peace with everyone.

That means, you know what, I can take a responsibility and ask God the question, God, what can I do?

And when I ask God that question in my own life, what God begins to do is take me to passages of scripture to show me what I can do in a situation.

And I wanna read you one that he took me to when I asked that question, God, what can I do in order to release a bitterness?

And it's found in Philippians chapter two, verses four through 11.

This is what God says.

He says, don't look out only for your own interests, but take interest in others too.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.

Instead, he gave us his divine privileges.

He took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.

And when he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and he died a criminal's death on a cross.

Therefore, God elevated him to a place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus, every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth.

And every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God, the Father.

Think about that for just a moment.

He left all of his divine privileges.

He didn't have to become a human being.

He chose to put on skin, be born in a manger and later surrender his life on a cross.

Even to the point of death, while I was a sinner, had offended my great God by my sin, he came and gave his life on a cross.

I didn't deserve it, but he did it anyway.

And my Bible says that I'm to follow his example.

I don't give based on what you deserve, I give on based on who God is making me to be.

And so we have to ask ourself, God, what can I do in this situation?

Because some people are very unlovable.

It's how my journey began to change.

My wife and I, over 25 years ago, were in a really, really tough spot in our marriage.

And I had been the offender.

And you know what?

She probably had every right to be offended by how I was acting in our marriage.

And she was offended to begin with.

And she was highly offended.

But she began to ask the question, God, what can I do?

And as she asked that question, God took a little old, well, she was a little young lady back in that day, but took her to a Bible study where there was some older ladies studying a book called The Power of the Praying Wife by Stormy O'Martian.

And as he took her into this Bible study, she was seeking more or less, you know what, how, God, what can I do in this situation?

I can't change it.

And as she began to read this book by Stormy O'Martian and going chapter by chapter, week by week, through this book, God began to show her some things, began to show her that, you know what, there was some things in her own life that she needed to change.

And again, though I was the offender, she wasn't perfect.

And the reality of it is, as she began to change those things or let God change those things in her heart, then that was a result of me being changed in the process and the result of our marriage becoming healed because she simply asked the question, what can I do?

And God began to show her the things that she needed to change in the process.

And that's what she could do.

She could make those changes.

God began to show her that she wasn't God and she couldn't change me.

But if she would change some things about herself, the change in her would result in a change in me.

And I'm here to declare to you today, on behalf of God's word, it all had to do because she come before God and said, God, what can I do for the sake of my marriage?

And God began to change her on the inside.

What I found in my own life is that's what happens in our life is when we begin to talk to God about, what can I do to change this situation?

God begins to change some things about me.

And so I invite you today, if you really wanna begin to get rid of bitterness, because again, her heart was flooded with bitterness.

And it wasn't only affecting our marriage, it was affecting her whole testimony and her whole walk with Jesus.

In other words, and she was a bitter lady and the reality of it is it was destroying her life.

But when she released that and said, God, what can I do?

And God began to change her and he ultimately began to change me, then things begin to change on the other side.

But it all began by asking the question, what can I do?

I think oftentimes we're asking the question, you know what, how, what can I do to change them?

Instead of asking God, what can I do in order to influence them?

You see, there's a powerful word a guy gave me many, many years ago, Dr. Roy King, who was one of my seminary professors.

And he says, you can only be responsible for your actions and only influence other people's actions.

Let me say that again.

You can only be responsible for your actions, though you need to take responsibility if you have young children and you need to correct their actions so you can influence their actions with the goodness of God.

But at the end of the day, you can only be responsible for the choices you make.

We all make choices.

Every single one of us make choices.

And the reality of it is, I can be responsible for my choices, but if my wife makes a bad choice, I can't be responsible for her bad choice, but I can influence her bad choice or her good choice by who I am.

And so literally, you need to take that into your heart today.

Nobody is responsible for the actions you take but yourself.

Others can influence you, and we can influence others, but when people choose to go their own way and do their own thing, that's them taking responsibility and taking the action for themselves, not me taking the action for them.

I can only influence that.

And I'm here to declare that oftentimes, we think we can be responsible for what somebody else does.

And when we think that it's our responsibility for what they do, we're taking on something that is their responsibility, and it's ultimately God's responsibility to step into their situation and change their heart, where God calls us to be an influencer with our life.

Whether we're a spouse, whether we're a parent, whether we're a teacher.

And yes, if you're a teacher in this room today, you have a responsibility to influence students with the goodness of God.

But at the end of the day, they have a responsibility, and they have to take action towards what you're teaching them about good things.

But at the end of the day, some people are just gonna make bad choices.

And if I take on their bad choices, and their responsibility, because I've taken care of my responsibility, and I've influenced them, then I'm taking on responsibility that I can't take on.

So understand today, you can only be responsible for yourself.

And you can influence those around you by the choices that you make.

My wife took responsibility for herself, and she influenced me with the choices she made, and it changed my life.

If you wanna get rid of bitterness, ask the question, what can I do?

The second thing I wrote down is this.

We have to take a step.

Take a step.

That's what God did, right?

You look back what it says in John chapter three, verse 16, it says, "'For this is how God loved the world.

He gave His one and only Son so everyone who would believe in Him would not perish but have eternal life.'

God took a step before I took a step.

God took a step before I deserved Him taking a step.

The Bible says it this way in Romans chapter five, verse eight, "'God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.'"

Goes on to tell us in Colossians three, verse 13, "'Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.'"

Unforgiveness in your heart will create such bitterness.

It'll destroy what God wants to do in you from this point forward.

My friend, what I'm inviting us to do today is to release that.

And you're right.

I don't know what they did.

I don't know what they said.

I don't know all the details of what happened.

I've got my story of what's happened to me and how I've been offended on my journey.

But what I've learned on my journey is to try to not stay offended, to release that and move forward with the Spirit of God.

I'm human and I still get hurt.

And hurt and pain begins to make your heart get calloused.

Aren't you glad that God's heart didn't get calloused when you offended Him?

He still did it anyway.

He went to a cross anyway.

Yes, it was an offense.

I offended God.

But He did it anyway.

He did it anyway.

And again, one of the great lessons we can learn this time of the year is to give our best, step towards it, and we don't always know how the person on the other end's gonna respond.

I think that's why we don't step towards it, because we're afraid of how they're gonna respond.

We're afraid that they're not gonna accept you extending forgiveness.

We're afraid that they're gonna stomp on your heart and hurt it again.

And I've learned that if we let the pain of an offense get into our heart and influence that way, it stops really the progress of what God wants to do through our life.

I've experienced it in ministry as a pastor.

I've been offended a lot of times.

I know I shouldn't tell you that, hey, I get offended just like you get offended, but the reality of it is I'm not God, and I do get offended.

And, but I've learned on my journey to not harbor that offense.

If I need to pick up the phone and have a conversation, I don't know what you're gonna say when I call you up and tell you, you know, hey, this hurt or this was painful or whatever else, but I have to do it.

And the same thing is I have to offer forgiveness when I say something wrong or do something wrong, and I have to extend that forgiveness.

But the reality of it is if I let bitterness harbor in my heart, it destroys the work of what God wants to do.

In other words, you have to keep putting your heart out on the altar if you're gonna really do ministry for God just like God did when he put his life on a cross, because he will do great things through you.

Jesus didn't get great things done through him by sitting and saying, I'm not gonna do it because it's gonna be too painful.

Jesus did it anyway, and I invite you to do it anyway.

I'm telling you right now, I've seen the remarkable healing hand of a great God right here in this church between people.

Come on, I've watched it happen over and over again.

I've watched couples that will probably never be reconciled again in their marriage, but you know what, they've released the bitterness.

They release what has happened, and you know what, God has come into those situations, blessed them, blessed their family, blessed everything around them, because they asked God for forgiveness and forgave one another for the incidences around them, and they're moving forward.

I've watched it with my own eyes.

They're in this room, people who have chosen to extend forgiveness, and God is doing great and powerful things through them.

It is a tactic of the enemy of your soul to harbor bitterness, hang on to it.

He wants to isolate you, he wants you to quit, he wants you to give up.

I watched these prisoners yesterday, amazing stories.

They've hurt people deeply.

Some of them are never going to get out of the prison they're in right now, never get out.

And they could be bitter and sit there and say, I'll never be able to go in this freedom from behind these bars again.

But what they've done, instead of holding bitterness in their heart, they've realized, you know what?

I made a defense, I asked for forgiveness, I've received forgiveness, I'm extending that forgiveness to other people, and I've got to stay planted right here where I am, but I'm telling you right now, I saw people that's going to be behind bars for the rest of their human life here on earth, and they still got a smile on their face and joy in their spirit because, you know what?

They're willing to release the bitterness.

My friend, it takes courage to ask God, what can I do?

It takes courage to take a step towards someone who's offended you instead of letting that offense take over you.

You step towards them and do all you can to reconcile and bring healing in the circumstance, and again, the outward circumstances may never change.

You may never put that family back together again as it was, but could God, in his greatness, heal your heart, heal their heart, and do greater things than you ever dreamed of in your mind?

See, what if God was a true healer and he could heal that bitter root of your heart that the enemy has so tainted and held you back from your God potential?

We have to step towards you, and then the last thing I wrote down about this is I have to allow room for a response.

This is where we get it wrong sometimes.

We're like, well, I'm gonna forgive you if you don't respond exactly like I want you to respond.

When I want you to respond, guess what?

I'm gonna hold bitterness again.

Look at this, this is beautiful.

John chapter three, verse 16 again.

For this is how God loved the world.

He gave his only one and only son so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

And then he allows room for a response.

He made the offer of forgiveness and he allows room for anyone who ever will receive what I'm offering.

You can respond whenever you want to.

See, God allows room for a response.

And I think we need to allow room for a response because again, it's God at work in people's heart and life that really begins to give them the ability to respond.

And I wanna invite you today is they don't respond whenever you say, hey, I need forgiveness or I'm offering forgiveness.

If they don't respond exactly like you want them to respond, when you think they should respond, give them room to respond and then talk to God.

Pray about the response and see what God does.

It's great to have a prayer group and some people you go and talk to about how they didn't respond and get them to pray to God with you.

But don't turn your prayer group into a gossip group.

And what I mean by that is going and talking to them about how the person didn't respond, the way you want them to respond and when you want them to respond, even though you offered forgiveness, I invite you to get with a group of people and talk to God about it and see if God won't move on their heart and do something amazing in their life.

Because God will in his time do his work in a person's heart.

If we're willing to extend that response.

And then the last thing I wrote down is this, expect change, expect change.

Do you really believe that God can change the world?

Do you really believe that God can change a person?

And again, he may not be able to take away all the consequences that their sin caused, but God can change people's heart.

And when people respond to his good news, and he begins to work out that bitterness out of their heart and their life, he can begin to change them with this spirit.

The fruit of the spirit is something called, the Bible puts a picture to how the spirit of God is at work in your life.

The fruit of it, the outward flowing of it, is called love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

And what I gotta ask you this Christmas, what is dominating your life?

Is it what I just called out, or is it bitterness, jealousy, hatred, anger, evil, envy?

All of these things, because the Bible says is so.

Let God work in you and work through you and do amazing things in the world.

My testimony is a testimony of releasing all bitterness and letting my great God forgive me of my sin and me passing that on to others.

That's just my testimony.

Don't stay offended.

Stop letting offense hold you back from your God potential.

I've watched so many waste away.

Stay bitter.

Keep the hatred in their heart because of something that happened 25 years ago.

And again, I can't change 25 years ago, but God can change your heart and what's still out in front of you if you invite him in.

What are you gonna let control you during a season like this?

Is it going to be betterness or is it gonna be the fruit of the spirit?

My friend, God is in you, working in you if you have believed in his one and only son.

God didn't have to do it this way, but he chose to do it this way.

I think so we would know how much hatred and evil and sin, how painful it was.

Jesus gave his life on a cross because of all the pain and evil that human beings like me and you caused him.

And he invites us into a redemptive story and being a part of it.

But we can't be a part of it if we harbor bitterness in our heart, let's be a people that believe God for greater things.

This season, we don't have to be home alone because Emmanuel, God with us has come to us and he speaks today just like he spoke then.

Let me pray for you.

God, I thank you so much for your love.

God, I thank you so much for the forgiveness of my sin and many people's sin in this room.

Jesus, you came and you did it anyway.

You did it in spite of what we have done.

God, none of us deserved what you offered us.

And God, may we receive this gift of mercy that you offered through your one and only son, Jesus Christ and begin to operate by his amazing grace.

God, you didn't only not give us what we do deserve, but God, you chose to give us life and give it to us to the full.

God, it's amazing to me how you didn't want us to get stuck in our sin, in our bitterness, in our spot, but God, you came to breathe new life into our spirit so we could be filled with amazing love.

God, with joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, and God, I pray if there's anything in any of our hearts today that's stopping that from flowing in and flowing out, that God, we would repent of our sin and let you wash us clean.

God, let us not be bitter in the world we live in, but God, may we become better by the power of your Holy Spirit.

And my friend, if you've never surrendered your life to the love that Jesus showed on that cross, I need you to understand, yes, he was born in a manger, but he also went to a cross because he wanted you to be reconciled in right relationship with your creator to do these great and mighty things.

And the Bible says, if you believe that he forgives you of your sin, as he shed his blood on that cross, he'll come in and he'll forgive you.

But my friend, my promise is that he'll only forgive you, he'll give you his spirit to make you better and make you greater.

May you make him the Lord of your life, the leader of your life today, and begin to see an all-powerful, all-knowing, everywhere at one time God go to work in your situation, in your circumstances, in our circumstances, and display himself to the world around us.

God, I thank you for your son, Jesus.

May we put our faith in him.

It's in his name we pray, amen.